Sir, —
As somebody who has now survived 43 General Synods, five liturgical revisions, three diocesan restructurings, the introduction of guitars into parish life, and one deeply regrettable ‘interactive all-age Eucharist’ involving balloons, I feel uniquely qualified to comment on the current state of the Church.
Firstly, I would like to assure readers that rumours of division within Anglicanism are greatly exaggerated. In my experience, the Church of Ireland remains perfectly united in the belief that everybody else is doing it wrong.
At this year’s Synod, I observed clergy of every tradition gathering together in Christian harmony to complain about the coffee, the parking, and the length of speeches. It warmed my heart. There is still something profoundly moving about watching evangelicals, Anglo-Catholics, liberals, charismatics, and theologically bewildered rural rectors standing shoulder to shoulder in the queue to enter the room where they hid the tea, coffee, and half the Church’s institutions, represented with stalls handing out pens and bags and leaflets which I will lose before the next motion is put.
I was especially interested to hear discussions about the future of the Church and the importance of attracting younger people. As a former Rector, I too once attempted innovative outreach. Regrettably, my proposal for ‘Evensong & Vape’ never received diocesan approval. On another occasion, I was slightly alarmed during one ‘worship session’ when everybody raised their hands simultaneously. I naturally assumed a vote by orders had been called.
Readers will also be encouraged to know that the Church is entering an exciting season of appointments and discernment. Names are already circulating with tremendous Christian discretion. I myself have been mentioned repeatedly for several senior vacancies, though admittedly mostly by myself. One particularly troubling suggestion concerning a certain cathedral appointment has already caused several choir members to begin emotionally preparing for the possible arrival of projector screens, a hospitality team, compulsory Alpha courses, and what was ominously described to me as ‘a more dynamic worship environment’. I am assured the icons will remain in place for the time being…
Still, one must keep an open mind. The Holy Spirit has a long and unfortunate history of calling the people we least expect. One thinks of the disciples, St Paul, and indeed the gentleman recently appointed to oversee the parish website despite believing that ‘the cloud’ refers exclusively to the Transfiguration.
In conclusion, I urge readers not to despair. The Church has survived Vikings, Cromwell, disestablishment, polyester vestments, and a Confirmation Service where the cruet sliced open the Archbishop’s finger during the Eucharist. By God’s grace, the Church may even survive us.
Yours, etc.,
The Reverend Basil Last-Resort
(Formerly Rector of the Parish of Hope; by semaphore)
